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Warning sign no. 1: Drastic changes in child’s behavior
While behavioral changes in children can occur for any number of reasons, including such significant life events as the birth of a sibling, moving, divorce/separation of parents, or the death of a loved one or pet, it is still important to be tuned into one’s child and their responses to changes in their environment. Such behavioral changes may include marked aggression, over-the-top temper tantrums, or desire for isolation. For school-aged children, a significant decline in grades or other academic assessment markers may indicate that there is an issue. Child sex abuse victims “may also have difficulty relaxing, display traumatic fears, or show regressive behaviors. Your child may seem jumpy, panicky, or irritable and quickly cycle through these different mood states. Any one of these indicators alone does not equal sexual molestation, but when they are combined, the pieces begin to from a puzzle [that] may point to the fact that something is indeed very wrong,” according to Dr. Karen Hylen,Warning sign no. 2: Sleep disturbances
Dramatic changes in sleep patterns may also indicate a significant problem. “Your child may exhibit sleep disturbances, such as nightmares, bedwetting or an inability to sleep alone,” states Dr. Hylen. Fears of the dark, of shadows or of certain things in their rooms such as closets may also trigger sleep disturbances. While some of these in isolation may be normal in some children, combined, they should be considered a warning sign that something else much more sinister may be occurring. Sleeping too much (hypersomnia) outside of physical exhaustion from a busy day or high-energy activities may also be a sign of avoidant behavior and withdrawal.
While behavioral changes in children can occur for any number of reasons, including such significant life events as the birth of a sibling, moving, divorce/separation of parents, or the death of a loved one or pet, it is still important to be tuned into one’s child and their responses to changes in their environment. Such behavioral changes may include marked aggression, over-the-top temper tantrums, or desire for isolation. For school-aged children, a significant decline in grades or other academic assessment markers may indicate that there is an issue. Child sex abuse victims “may also have difficulty relaxing, display traumatic fears, or show regressive behaviors. Your child may seem jumpy, panicky, or irritable and quickly cycle through these different mood states. Any one of these indicators alone does not equal sexual molestation, but when they are combined, the pieces begin to from a puzzle [that] may point to the fact that something is indeed very wrong,” according to Dr. Karen Hylen,Warning sign no. 2: Sleep disturbances
Dramatic changes in sleep patterns may also indicate a significant problem. “Your child may exhibit sleep disturbances, such as nightmares, bedwetting or an inability to sleep alone,” states Dr. Hylen. Fears of the dark, of shadows or of certain things in their rooms such as closets may also trigger sleep disturbances. While some of these in isolation may be normal in some children, combined, they should be considered a warning sign that something else much more sinister may be occurring. Sleeping too much (hypersomnia) outside of physical exhaustion from a busy day or high-energy activities may also be a sign of avoidant behavior and withdrawal.
Warning sign no. 3: Avoidant behavior and withdrawal
Other forms of avoidant behavior and withdrawal can also manifest in child victims. Dr. Hylen states that some children may “even lose interest in previously enjoyable activities such as socializing... It’s possible that avoidant behaviors may arise, where [the child] become[s] ‘sick’ when it’s time to go to school or engage in extracurricular activities.” This was true for Patrick Dati, a survivor, author, public speaker and advocate for anti-bullying and child abuse prevention out of Illinois. After being victimized as a child, Dati stopped wanting to play with other children, withdrew socially and became detached. Mr. Dati also formed a particular fear around the location (a local department store) where his assault occurred. Child victims may also form fears around the perpetrator, “not wanting to be close to or near their abuser,” says Jen Austin, another survivor, victims’ advocate and reporter from Idaho. Fear of places, objects and situations similar to or that might remind the child of their victim or assault is also common in child sex abuse victims.
Other forms of avoidant behavior and withdrawal can also manifest in child victims. Dr. Hylen states that some children may “even lose interest in previously enjoyable activities such as socializing... It’s possible that avoidant behaviors may arise, where [the child] become[s] ‘sick’ when it’s time to go to school or engage in extracurricular activities.” This was true for Patrick Dati, a survivor, author, public speaker and advocate for anti-bullying and child abuse prevention out of Illinois. After being victimized as a child, Dati stopped wanting to play with other children, withdrew socially and became detached. Mr. Dati also formed a particular fear around the location (a local department store) where his assault occurred. Child victims may also form fears around the perpetrator, “not wanting to be close to or near their abuser,” says Jen Austin, another survivor, victims’ advocate and reporter from Idaho. Fear of places, objects and situations similar to or that might remind the child of their victim or assault is also common in child sex abuse victims.
It is also important to be aware of a reduction in self-esteem and signs of depression. Sometimes, withdrawn behavior is a symptom of depression, which may be the result of having experienced a traumatic event. Fear, shame and regret can lead to anxiety, depression and self-destructive behaviors as well. Because fear can cause a shift in the child’s behavior, “recognizing the signs early, is critical” says Sharon Grace, another victim’s advocate and the author of “When the Trust is Broken.” Additional signs of depression in children include significant weight changes; difficulty concentrating, thinking or decision making and feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, guilt or wanting to die. The signs can occur together or manifest singularly.
Warning sign no. 4: Regressive behavior
Child abuse experts agree that behavioral shifts include such regressive behaviors as thumb-sucking and bed-wetting, particularly in children who have been toilet trained and stay dry overnight. Don’t become alarmed if the bed-wetting is a rare occurrence because of deep sleeping. Regressive bedwetting can also occur from other factors, according to the AmericaAcademy of Pediatrics (AAP), but should not be ignored. Other regressive behaviors include the fear of darkness, animals or monsters in preschoolers; and for children between ages five and 11, increased competition with younger siblings for parent’s attention, excessive clinging, inappropriate crying or whimpering and engaging in previously discarded habits. Any kind of “acting out” is the child’s method of reaching out for attention, states Sharon Grace.
Child abuse experts agree that behavioral shifts include such regressive behaviors as thumb-sucking and bed-wetting, particularly in children who have been toilet trained and stay dry overnight. Don’t become alarmed if the bed-wetting is a rare occurrence because of deep sleeping. Regressive bedwetting can also occur from other factors, according to the AmericaAcademy of Pediatrics (AAP), but should not be ignored. Other regressive behaviors include the fear of darkness, animals or monsters in preschoolers; and for children between ages five and 11, increased competition with younger siblings for parent’s attention, excessive clinging, inappropriate crying or whimpering and engaging in previously discarded habits. Any kind of “acting out” is the child’s method of reaching out for attention, states Sharon Grace.
Warning sign no. 5: Age-inappropriate sexual knowledge
Jen Austin also cautions parents to be wary when children exhibit a vast sexual knowledge that you did not give them – for example, after a talk about where babies come from, or who become very touchy, promiscuous or exhibit a sudden interest in body parts outside of the norms for the child’s age or developmental stage. Dr. Hylen also considers changes in sexual knowledge and behavior to be clear warning signs. She states, “Another big, red flag is an inappropriate level of knowledge regarding sexually explicit behavior for their specific age group, as well as behavior re-enactments of molestation with their peers.” Re-enactments might not be limited to peers, but can also occur during play with dolls and other toys.
Jen Austin also cautions parents to be wary when children exhibit a vast sexual knowledge that you did not give them – for example, after a talk about where babies come from, or who become very touchy, promiscuous or exhibit a sudden interest in body parts outside of the norms for the child’s age or developmental stage. Dr. Hylen also considers changes in sexual knowledge and behavior to be clear warning signs. She states, “Another big, red flag is an inappropriate level of knowledge regarding sexually explicit behavior for their specific age group, as well as behavior re-enactments of molestation with their peers.” Re-enactments might not be limited to peers, but can also occur during play with dolls and other toys.
As parents prepare to send their children back to school, it is important to be vigilant about this issue even as the news headlines move onto other topics. While parents should not necessarily operate in fear, it is as critical to know the five warning signs and be as aware of the dangers of the predator that you might know as it is to be aware of stranger danger, especially as children head back to school and back to sports and other activities. One critical thing to remember is that children often exhibit these behavioral warning signs well before there is other tangible evidence on the child of physical abuse up to and including penetration. To learn about how an ounce of prevention can be better than a pound of cure and what to do if your child or a child you know is victim of child sex abuse, stay tuned for parts two and three of this three-part series on child sex abuse
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